I just had an incredible day with two friends I have known for 45 years. I met them in Steamboat Springs, CO, when I was living there in 1980. Now, here in Longmont, it was just as great as each time we have gotten together to ski, hike, climb mountains, backpack, or canoe together—I felt that same deep loving connection from both of them. It was so deeply moving for my heart and body to be able to have the same deep connection as if we had never been separated or live so far apart. They live in the Pacific Northwest. This time, our ages are reaching into our 70’s and early 80’s, so our visit was more deep sharing of our lives now as we are looking backwards and savoring what we have shared together. We are also sharing our personal evolutions, being more present focused and treasuring our spiritual practices of deep wisdom with each other that hold us through our aging, illness and physical challenges. I am so grateful that I have these friends in my life.
Friendships or deep connections like this are the most powerful thing in my life. This is one of my core values. What opened my heart and body so deeply to Jean and Tom was that we shared so many core values together and have continued to share how we actualize them in the world. That deep connection that I get with them and with others (or with animals, trees, or other living creatures) creates the feeling in me of what Thich Nhat Hahn calls “Interbeing”–The core idea is that all phenomena, from humans to natural systems, are linked through our existence and actions. This belief leads to a deeper sense of responsibility for how we live and brings us to a more compassionate way of living. Understanding this concept of “Interbeing” brings me into connection with life as it is fully alive in every moment. This could be called the power of presence.
When we share similar values and understanding that we are the natural world, we are the trees, the sky, the sun; that we are all connected and one; then, we are able to work together to protect and heal together, and to work together to create what needs to come next. We feel connected; not separate. I learned alot of this from my teachers like Hahn. Thich Nhat Hahn has often been referred to as “the father of mindfulness.” In his 95 years, he made a global impact as a teacher, author, activist, and founder of the Engaged Buddhism movement. His teachings have been key to my drop into my deeper self through mindfulness.
“I define mindfulness as the practice of being fully present and alive, body and mind united,” he writes in “This Moment Is Perfect.” “Mindfulness is the energy that helps us to know what is going on in the present moment. I drink water and I know that I am drinking the water. Drinking the water is what is happening.”
“When we drink water mindfully,” he continues, “we concentrate on drinking. If we are concentrated, life is deep, and we have more joy and stability… When we do things this way, concentration grows. When concentration grows, we gain insight into our lives.”
When did I realize that I wanted to live life more deeply? It was when I was in my 50’s as a single mom trying to find my balance and deeper grounding in my life. I knew to accomplish what I wanted to do in my life; ie, raise my son and create and build a private psychotherapy and coaching practice, I had to dig deeper into my core to find me, to wake up to my gifts. I had to learn how to deeply embrace my feelings, my fears, my expectations, my failures and find what motivates me to keep growing and taking positive action. Yoga, dance and meditation, journaling at that time, along with alot of physical activity in nature (now I would call it nature practice) helped me get out of my head and into my heart and body — where the answers for what my deep fullness of who I am could be found. I learned the tools of deep diving into myself. Challenges and struggles in life bring us to a deeper place inside of us — to our core values that guide us forward. This is the time to deeply explore these deeper channels of our beings.
Core values guide us, give us directions, and show us more of who we are. They require that we do some “deep listening” to what we are feeling and being with everything deeply in our hearts. They are not goals and they are not part of your TO DO LIST. They are in a different realm of your life. When you slow down and truly drop deeper into your wholeness — the essence of what is really you–you will begin to find them. When you have identified your Core Values, you begin to live from a deeper place inside of you. This is what I call “Living Life Fully.”
Take a piece of paper now and write down your Core Values. Usually you have about 4-5 that reveal themselves, but start with one or 2. Keep your journal nearby and let them slowly come to you over time. Remember to find your concentration and stay there.
I see two main benefits for choosing to Live Life Fully NOW!
1) You can experience the difference between how you respond or act when your heart is fully open and/or when your heart is more closed down and you are responding from a more shut-down or closed place. You may notice when you are thinking negative, angry or judgmental thoughts, or just thinking alot, how your body reacts. Does it open or close? The world is very contracted right now and you do not have to be!
2) When you live from this fuller heart-full place, you have a deeper capacity for processing pain, grief, and challenges in your life. When you can hold yourself and witness what you are feeling or how you are suffering, you are able to move through your pain and process it naturally. This allows you to heal rather than projecting it out or pushing it deeper. This will help to create the compassionate world you are seeking. It starts with each one of us.
You can read more about how I was learning mindfulness and how I began to dig deeper into myself in my memoir, A Midlife Voyage to Transformation, which is available on my website here. It was published in 2021. You can also check out my Companion Workbook, that shares how to develop these valuable tools of mindfulness and self-compassion with practices I taught at my women’s retreats and continue to use in my life now.
